Why White Collar will have you swearing at the telly

Show-off film buffs will look smug as they tell you Alfred Hitchcock used the term ‘McGuffin’ to describe those plot devices necessary to keep a story moving.

Here at IOTTS, we use the term a similar term, ‘MacGyver’ – lovingly named after the bemulleted Eighties action hero – to describe incredibly preposterous plot devices that are becoming increasingly common to many a US crime drama.

CSI: Miami plots average about 3.2 minutes before the first MacGyver, CSI: NY about 2.

In more unkind moments, when our kids aren’t around, we call them ‘Fuck-off moments’, as that’s generally what we howl at the screen as David ‘the Hunchback of Miami’ Caruso spots a microscopic clue in a pile of refuse from 100 paces, or Gary ‘Plastic Mac’ Sinise processes a crime scene in an upmarket Manhattan apartment by mobile phone… while aboard a boat in the Hudson.

The first of the new, third series of US import White Collar did much, much better – we were almost three-quarters of the way though before the first MacGyver.

Not that the time before then had been particularly well spent. The catch-up bit informed us of the discovery of a massive cache of art, snatched by the Nazis, found by leading man Matt Bomer and his overacting pal, which was then promptly destroyed in a massive explosion. Or was it..?

Er, no. Overacting pal had swapped the lot for Bomer’s own cack-handed forgeries, leaving them rubbing their hands with glee and Bomer’s boss chewing the carpet.

Over the next 40 minutes, we were expected to believe our con-man hero could weasel his way out of potential trouble, while at the same time helping another crook flee the country with what amounted to a big bag of cash, and yet stay on the right side of the law.

There was even a poncy bit of fencing thrown in for good measure. But it was when our hero was mocking up a fragment of burned painting, using colours mixed from genuine masterpieces in just a few minutes, that the swear words started flying.

White Collar isn’t supposed to be anything other than entertainment and we get that, honest.

 But even we couldn’t swallow the hefty amount of cheese being served up from our American cousins in this pile of nonsense.

THE WHO, WHAT, WHEN OF IT

WHAT’S IT CALLED?
White Collar

WHEN IS IT ON?
Tuesday, February 19, 10pm

WHAT CHANNEL?
Alibi

WILL I KNOW ANYONE IN IT?
Matt Bomer (Flightplan, Chuck)
Marsha Thomason (Vegas, Lost, Playing the Field)
Tiffani Thiessen (Saved by the Bell: The College Years, Beverly Hills, 90210, Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place)

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT?
Anyone who can’t get enough of Matt Bomer’s creepy, 1,000-yard stare.

WHO SHOULDN’T WATCH IT?
Horatio Caine and gritty crime drama fans. Oh, and anyone with an expensive new telly… You’ll only have to fork out for a new one after throwing something heavy at the screen.